Swimming out of the mess
October 17, 2007 9:30 am
“Tila ba ang katamaran ay nanunuot sa aking mga buto at kasu-kasuan.” This was what came to mind during one of my spells this morning, articulating the exact state of my self today—lazy, slob, inefficient, sluggish and weak. It’s as if the vitamins never worked. Or maybe it’s the impending migraine that is yet to strike full force. Even the simple effort of punching my fingers into the keyboard to form these words is a massive effort already. I can barely rack my brain for the appropriate vocabulary. All I want to do is lie down in my semi-soft bed, daydream and then fall asleep. But I know the consequences of such actions, that is why I can never let myself indulge. If I go to bed now, I’ll eventually drown in remorse, guilt and anxiety later…
I feel so frustrated with my laziness. But it’s not my choice, is it?
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I decided to type anything today in hope that I’ll pique my sleeping mind. Fortunately, my tactic seems to work, but not yet enough. I’m working on my take-home exam in Statutory Construction under Atty. Imperial, and I’m so lazy to finish it. In fact, I’m barely done with the first number harharhar…and I still have five more to go. Whoohoo!
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Why does it have to feel that my efforts always fall short, that in all I do, I do something not right? Why am I overwhelmed with this shameful sense of futility, that everything is beyond my control and that no matter how hard I try, I can’t change a thing? This is so frustrating, I swear! Discipline my mind I do, yet I can never carry out in reality what I wanted to achieve. I am an utter mess.
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Then, I heard my fave song, “Crash into Me” by the Dave Matthews. I feel more relaxed now. It reminds of my carefree college days. How I miss those days!—most especially, my hour-glass figure (charing!) harharhar (bitter laugh)
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Now I am thinking! I figure that the reason for my uncontrollable laziness is my recent lack of exercise. Last week and the previous ones, I’ve been relentlessly exercising—in fact, to the point of being obsessive-compulsive about it. I was energetic. But then the exam week and the peak season came; exercise was shoved into the backseat of my life. I have neither the time nor the attention for it. My schedule is packed as it is, I can’t possibly make way for a capricious regime of exercise. But now, I have just realized the cost of my sacrifice.
No, I cant disregard an integral part of a healthful life (wow, I’m sounding like a health guru!I’ve read too much health articles, I guess). I can’t set aside what is good and healthy for my body and mind just to meet the countless deadlines and requirements that never seem to stop. I might have crossed-out every item in my must-do list but if i had to kill my self to do so, my achievement will be nothing but a Pyrrhic victory (tsk, stating the obvious! Can’t my mind come up with something new??). Having arrived at this conclusion, I become even more disoriented harharhar…
Anyways, I guess I better get back to the real action: a take-home exam to complete, a thirty-minute exercise regime to carry out, and a deadline to beat. So…fix a cup of coffee and go!
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